Always There
by sweeet-as-honey
Summary: Ethan is waiting for Cal to come home. And he will come home. There are no deaths in this story. It's set around the current time (May 2017); maybe a little way into the future but with certain key differences.
1. Chapter 1

_This is a story where a lot of things that make me sad didn't happen. I don't want to give too much away, but you'll find out how things are different if you read it._

 _But there are no deaths._

 _I don't know if I'll finish my other stories. I don't really feel motivated. But maybe posting this will help me get back into it again._

* * *

"Daddy!" said Matilda excitedly as she toddled across the room, her hand in her uncle's.

Ethan smiled at her adoringly. "That's right, Tilly. That's Daddy." Ethan hadn't heard a thing, but Matilda seemed to have an almost psychic connection with her father and always knew when he was about to come home. Ethan sat on the sofa and lifted Matilda onto his lap. "There you are, Tilly. Let's sit here and wait for Daddy, okay?"

Matilda wriggled around on Ethan's lap so she was facing him and planted a slobbery kiss on his cheek. "Uncle Niggles!" she said happily.

"Yes, that's right," said Ethan, who'd given up on expecting her to say 'Uncle Ethan' for now, though he hoped she would one day. Uncle Nibbles or rather 'Uncle Niggles' was adorable now, but perhaps he wouldn't feel quite the same way about it once she'd started school. He kissed Matilda's cheek. "Uncle Nibbles loves Matilda very very much!"

Matilda giggled and Ethan laughed too, completely unable to resist her, but he didn't miss the sound of Cal's key in the lock. It looked like Matilda was right again.

Ethan kissed his niece. "Who's the cleverest little girl in the world?"

"Oad!" said Matilda. She knew what her real name was and happily responded to either Matilda or Tilly, but Toad was her daddy's special name for her, so that was the name she loved best.

"Yes! Toad!" said Ethan, and turned to smile at Cal as he entered the room. "How was it?"

Cal flung his bag down on the floor and threw his coat untidily over a chair. "Good," he said cautiously. "I think." He went over to the sofa and lifted Matilda from Ethan's lap, holding her high in the air. "Toad!"

"Daddy!"

"Have you been a good girl for Uncle Nibbles while Daddy's been on his surgery rotation?"

"Goog girl!" said Matilda.

Cal brought her close to him and kissed her forehead several times. "Of course you were. You're always good. You're the best little girl in the world." He kissed her again and sat beside Ethan, Matilda on his lap. "Has she been okay?"

"She's been fine," said Ethan reassuringly. He decided not to tell Cal about Matilda sneezing on his glasses. Ethan had thought it was rather funny (Matilda could get away with pretty much anything as far as Ethan was concerned), but Cal would only panic that there was something seriously wrong with her and it would take all Ethan's powers of persuasion to stop Cal from taking her to the ED. Cal didn't seem to realise that sometimes Matilda sneezed because Cal had forgotten his promise to do the dusting. He always thought it was a particularly dangerous strain of flu.

Ethan had taken care of the dusting after that and Matilda hadn't sneezed again.

"What's that splodge on your glasses?" said Cal.

"Splodge?" said Ethan anxiously, taking his glasses off to examine them. He was sure he'd cleaned them.

"Spodge!" said Matilda happily, pointing.

Cal laughed loudly. "Gotcha!"

"Gotsa!" said Matilda.

"Oh, very funny, Caleb," sighed Ethan as he put his glasses back on.

"You always fall for that one, Ethan," said Cal. "Always."

Ethan took one of Matilda's little hands in his. "Your daddy is a Very Bad Man. Did you know that?"

"Vay ba man!" said Matilda with a high-pitched giggle.

Ethan knew Matilda was just echoing the words without taking in their meaning – though she was a very intelligent girl and knew a lot more words than most children her age (as Cal pointed out an average of seven times a day). But he smiled at Cal and said: "You see? If Matilda says it, it must be true."

"Yeah, yeah," said Cal, glaring at him, but Ethan knew he wasn't really annoyed. Cal changed the subject quickly. "When's Lily getting home? I'm starving."

"Caleb, we told you this morning. Lily's working a double shift ," said Ethan, frowning slightly. In addition to his exasperation with his brother's complete inability to remember anything that wasn't related to Matilda or surgery, he couldn't help worrying that Lily was working too hard. Lily loved to work and everyone knew that, but she had been looking tired recently, in an absolutely stunningly beautiful sort of way.

"She'll be fine, Ethan," said Cal. "You know Lily. She loves to work and obviously she'll have to slow down after she has IVF, so she's making the most of it while she still can. She's got us to keep an eye on her."

"I hope you're right," said Ethan.

"When am I not right?" said Cal.

Ethan just looked at him.

"Okay. Don't answer that. But she'll be fine."

Ethan gave him a grateful smile and put his worries about his wife to one side for now. After all, she probably was fine. She almost always was. And if she wasn't, at least there would be plenty of doctors and nurses to keep an eye on her. David was working tonight too and he always kept a special eye on Lily because he knew it was important to Ethan. Lily tolerated it only because David was Ethan's best friend (apart from Cal, Lily and Matilda).

Cal returned to the original subject. "So we can eat now?"

"As soon as I've cooked," said Ethan,

Cal was looking at Ethan in disbelief. "You mean you haven't even started cooking yet? I'm starving!"

"I'm so sorry, Caleb. That was inconsiderate of me," said Ethan. "Next time, I'll start cooking and leave Matilda unsupervised. Yes, that would be much better. The needs of your stomach must always come first."

Cal made a face that was suspiciously like a pout. "Can we at least get a takeaway?"

Ethan frowned. "We've already had one takeaway this week."

Cal stopped pouting and smiled at Ethan. "Yeah, but this is a very special day. Isn't that right, Matilda? The first day of Daddy's special surgery rotation. It'll never happen again, you know. And I've been on my feet all day; my brain is aching from all the new information that's being crammed into it; and I didn't get to eat very much lunch because my supervisor was called to do a cardiopulmonary bypass and I wasn't about to miss that. I need food, Ethan!"

Ethan smiled and reached for his phone. It was so good to see Cal so excited about work and doing something he really loved and believed in. Ethan didn't want to do anything to discourage him and if he really wanted a takeaway that badly... well, why not? "Okay. Just this once." He made the call, then turned to smile at his brother again. "So, do you want to tell me about the course?"

Cal's face lit up in a way it only ever used to when he was talking about girls, cars or Matilda. "Ethan, it was amazing! You should see the facilities they've got up there. They've got everything. CPB pump. Ventricular assist device. ABIOMED AB5000. They've got all these masks and gowns too!"

"Masks and gowns? For cardiothoracic surgery? Whatever next?!" said Ethan teasingly, but there was a smile on his face as he looked at his happy brother.

"They wouldn't let me touch anything today, but I got so close!" said Cal. His excitement dimmed slightly. "I just really hope I didn't mess up, Ethan. I stood in the wrong place twice. And three times, they asked me a question and my mind went blank."

"It's your first day, Cal," said Ethan reassuringly as he lightly touched his brother's arm. "You'll be fine once you get used to it. You'll be great. Won't he, Matilda?"

"Daddy!" said Matilda.

Cal kissed Matilda's blonde hair and smiled at his brother. "Thanks. I really did have a great time, but you know how the mistakes kind of stick in your head..."

Ethan nodded understandingly. "Yes, I know."

"Oh, and my supervisor's really hot," said Cal., smiling again.

Ethan rolled his eyes. "Why didn't I guess there was a woman involved?"

"But I kept forgetting about her because the surgery was so…" Cal stopped, a mystified look on his face. "so… _interesting_."

Ethan laughed. "It happens to the best of us, Cal. I felt exactly the same when I performed my first successful REBOA. Apart from, um, finding my supervisor hot."

"Hey! Your REBOA supervisor's the hottest guy in the ED!" said Cal, with a look of exaggerated offence.

"Caleb, you're my brother, but I'm afraid I just don't see you as hot," said Ethan, smiling. His expression became serious as he reached out and touched Cal's arm again. "You did really well today and I'm so pleased you were able to do your rotation at St James'. I know how much this means to you." He paused. "I know I don't say this often, Cal. But I'm proud of you. Really proud."

A grin of amusement appeared on Cal's face and for a moment Ethan thought his brother was going to tease him, but instead, Cal put his arm around his brother. "Thanks, Nibbles. I mean that."

"I just hope I can make you proud too," said Ethan in a soft voice.

Cal looked at him in amazement. "Of course you're going to make me proud! I'm proud already. You're an amazing doctor. You're obviously intelligent and brilliant and all of that, but you're also really good with your patients. You listen to them and you try to help them. You're a wonderful doctor and I know you're going to do brilliantly when you resit your FCEM."

"But what if I don't?" asked Ethan, looking up at Cal as he allowed the fears he always tried so hard to fight to engulf him. "What if I... _can't_?"


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for your review. I'm so glad you like the story. This is the last chapter, but I do like this AU and I have a couple more ideas, so I might keep the story open and add to it when I think of anything._

 _I have kept one bad thing in the story. Everything else I've changed is related to the characters' making different decisions, but the thing I haven't changed wasn't a decision, though nothing will happen for a long time._

 **bronny9** , thank you for your review. I've read through some of my other stories and I was thinking it would be nice to finish them. I'm glad you like this so far. I'm not sure if Matilda is biologically Cal's in this universe or not - that's just one part of the universe I might explore further - but he did decide to keep her.

 **Angel2021** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad you like this so far. It is sad seeing him so down and scared, but he's a lot happier than he'll be in Saturday's episode and I'm sure Cal will reassure him all he can. Ethan might never have failed an exam before. I'm glad you like little Matilda.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I really wanted to write something happy when there's so much to feel sad about in Casualty - everything has gone wrong as far as I'm concerned! This chapter will have sad parts in, but I hope it will be a happy chapter too. Matilda really does love to copy!

 **CBloom2** , as I said, there will be sad bits, but this definitely isn't a dream. It's the stuff in Casualty that's a dream - this is reality! Cal will be around for a good fifty years. Thank you for your review - I'm glad you liked this.

 **Tanith Panic** , I really loved Cal's new interest in surgery, so I decided to keep that in, but Ethan's really proud and supportive and won't be teasing him. I'm glad you like Matilda. It's nice to write her as a happy girl, unlike in We'll Meet Again. She has a dad, uncle and aunt who love her! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **xMissWhitneyBexx** and **Starlight-Inspirit** for the follows and favourite._

* * *

Cal looked at Ethan in shock, then he covered Ethan's hand with his own. "Ethan, you will. I know you will. You'll be a great consultant."

"I hope so," said Ethan, his eyes beginning to fill with tears. "But what about when my symptoms start? There are so many things I haven't done. If the symptoms start before Lily gets pregnant…"

Cal rubbed his thumb across the back of Ethan's hand. "Ethan, that very unlikely. Lily's first appointment isn't that long after your last exam. And even if they do start– which I'm sure they won't – Lily will still want to have a baby with you. The symptoms will make things more difficult for you, but they won't stop you from being a good dad."

"We were taken away from Mum," said Ethan as he took his glasses off and wiped a tear away.

"Yes, but her situation was different," said Cal. "Depression is much better-understood and so is Huntington's. You won't be seen as a bad father. And Mum was managing alone: you have Lily and you have me. I know it's difficult for you, Ethan. I know it's terrifying and no matter how much I want to take the fear away, I know I can't. But you're not facing this alone and you never will be. We'll always be here to support you and show you how great you still are; how great you always will be."

Ethan had even more tears to wipe away after that. Especially when Matilda climbed onto his lap and hugged him.

"Yuv you Uncle Niggles."

"I love you too, Matilda." Ethan sniffed. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise," said Cal, handing Ethan a tissue.

Ethan dried his eyes and managed to get himself under control. "You really think I'll pass this time?"

"I know you will," said Cal. "Last time was a fluke. It wouldn't surprise me if they messed your paper up with someone else's. It's ridiculous enough that you'd even fail. But to get one mark less than me? No way!"

Ethan looked guiltily at Cal. "Cal… I'm so sorry."

"For not beating me?" said Cal. "Why are you sorry about that?"

Ethan wondered why he hadn't put this right sooner. "You didn't beat me. I got better marks than you. I lied to make you feel better... I'm so sorry. I never should have… Cal, are you laughing?"

Cal hugged him. "Of course I'm laughing! You seriously thought I believed you? You might be better at exams than me, Nibbles, but you're a much worse liar."

Ethan was too relieved Cal wasn't angry to remind him that he'd come up with some pretty unconvincing lies too in his time. He turned to his niece, who was fidgeting. "What is it, Tilly? Do you want to get down? There you are. Good girl." He watched Matilda toddle over to her toys and sit down, talking to herself in a mixture of English words and Matilda words.

Cal was smiling too, but his expression became serious as he turned back to Ethan. "You'll be fine, Ethan. You'll pass the exam easily. I'll help all I can and so will Lily. You won't be distracted by Honey this time and you won't have to worry about Lily trying to marry you. Imagine Lily Chao-Hardy doing something so illogical as trying to marry her own husband!"

Ethan shook his head. "I can't believe I was so stupid. How could I have chosen Honey over Lily?"

"You did the right thing," said Cal. "Okay, maybe Honey wasn't the right thing, but you didn't love Lily, and Lily wasn't really in love with you: she just liked the idea of you. Much better to wait till you both fell in love naturally."

"Yes, you're right," said Ethan, giving his brother a smile. Falling in love with Lily had been one of the most special experiences of his life; realising his best friend meant even more to him than he'd imagined.

"With all the girlfriends I've had, I really should have learned something about women by now," said Cal. A glint came into his eye. "Oh, yeah. Speaking of women."

Ethan sighed inwardly. "You've already told me about your supervisor."

"No, not her," said Cal. "Do you remember Alicia?"

Ethan thought for a moment, then shook his head. "Sorry. As you've just said, you've had rather a lot of girlfriends. You can't expect me to remember them all. Was she the one with the, um, rabbit that wasn't an animal?"

"Alicia wasn't my girlfriend!" said Cal reproachfully. "She was a doctor. Lily mentored her. She was the one Lily, um…" He paused for a moment. "…really struggled to work with."

"Oh, yes," said Ethan with a sigh. He couldn't remember much about Alicia, who'd made almost no impression on him at all, but he knew how badly the experience had affected Lily. She hadn't even had Ethan's support as he'd been distracted by Matilda. But finally, he and Lily had reconnected. Lily had helped Ethan to deal with one of the most devastating pieces of news he'd ever received and Ethan had helped Lily to recover from her father's death and regain her confidence in her ability to be a good doctor and good mentor.

"Yeah, well, when I was having my severely-abbreviated lunchbreak," said Cal, "these guys were all talking about some girl called Alicia. I heard the things they were saying and I didn't think it could be her, but then someone said her last name was Munroe. Turns out she's the hospital bike."

Ethan blinked at him, confused. "I'm sorry, Cal. Did you say the hospital, um…" He almost whispered the word. "… _dyke_? Why were they talking about Alicia like that? It sounds very homophobic and completely unacceptable."

Cal shook his head, laughing. "Oh, Nibbles. You are so innocent. Not dyke. _Bike_."

"Bike?" said Ethan. "That was what I thought you'd said, but why on earth would Alicia be a bike?"

"Because practically everyone in the whole hospital's got their leg over her," explained Cal.

"Really?" said Ethan, trying not to sound shocked. "Well, if that's how Alicia wants to spend her time then there's, um, nothing wrong with that."

Cal grinned. "And if I ever see Alicia again, I know exactly what to do, don't I? I know where she likes to be touched; I know she likes it hard and fast; I know how to drive that woman wild!"

"Caleb!" Ethan looked anxiously at Matilda, but she didn't seem to have heard.

Cal laughed. "Ethan, what's wrong with you? Don't tell me you and Lily have never done it because I do have ears."

" _Caleb!_ " almost squeaked Ethan, aware his own ears were probably as red as the rest of his face. "I-I-I what I do with my wife is irrelevant! I-I just really don't think I need to know such personal details about Alicia. Her... generosity doesn't entitle everyone to gossip about her. But I'm sure she's still a… a dedicated and competent doctor."

"Why wouldn't she be?" said Cal. "Even I'm dedicated and competent on occasion and I definitely like a bit of fun between the sheets. And outside the sheets. When I know Matilda's going to be okay without me for a while."

"Yes. You… you are dedicated and competent," said Ethan, trying to calm down. "You're a good dad, Cal, and a good doctor _." Just a terrible brother and I am buying you earplugs for Christmas._

Cal smiled lovingly across at Matilda. "Not that I'd ever let any man go near Matilda."

"Well, not until she's reached the age of consent, certainly," said Ethan.

Cal looked horrified. "The age of consent? You seriously think I'd let Matilda date when she's _sixteen_?"

"Cal, even I went on a date when I was sixteen."

"Matilda isn't going _near_ any boys till she's at _least_ twenty-five!" said Cal. "She can go to an all-girls school. And then a convent! Ethan, I know what boys are like."

"She might be gay," suggested Ethan.

"Then she can go to an all-boys school!" said Cal.

"I'm really not sure that would be allowed."

"Fine!" said Cal. "I'll home-school her. Then she won't see any boys _or_ girls."

Ethan gently stroked his brother's arm. "Cal, she'll be okay. She's got you and she's got me and Lily. She's got loads of people who love her. I know it's scary. Matilda is the most precious little girl in the world and the idea of one of us not being with her at every moment is terrifying. But she'll be fine. I promise. And I'm sure Rihanna will be going to school. Matilda will be upset if her best friend goes to school and she doesn't."

"I know, but I don't want anything to happen to her!" said Cal.

"Cal, you can't protect Matilda from everything," said Ethan. "I know it's horrible to think about it, but it's true. There's no reason to think anything very bad will happen to her, but things will go wrong and all you can do is be there to catch her when she falls. And you will. Tilly will be fine with her daddy to look after her. Won't you, Tilly?"

"Daddy!" said Matilda. She used the table to help her stand up and toddled back to Cal.

Cal went to meet her and lifted her into the air, making her squeal with delight. Slowly, he lowered her and sat down with her held tightly in his arms. "Catching her when she falls. Like a safety net."

"That's exactly what you are," said Ethan. "You're her safety net – and mine too. Of course, you're still absolutely terrible at housework and if I find your nasal hair in the plug hole one more time… but you're a good man, Cal. A very good man."

Cal took Ethan's hand and squeezed it tightly. He gave a rather shaky laugh. "Steady on, Nibbles. Next you'll be telling me you love me!"

"Perish the thought!" said Ethan, but there was no doubting the feeling in his heart. "But I do, Cal. Just so you know."

"I think I might as well, Nibbles," said Cal. "You, I mean. Not me. Well, me too, obviously. But you as well."

They smiled at each other.

Ethan sniffed.

"Hey. Don't cry," said Cal, and leaned over to get Ethan a tissue.

"I'm not. I just… can you smell something?"

"Yeah, I thought that was you. I thought I'd be polite for once and not mention…" Cal broke off and made a face. "Actually that is pretty bad, isn't it? I think it must be… oh, Matilda. Who's a clever girl then? Not even Daddy makes a stink like that. Not even when he's been eating baked beans!. Come on: let's go and get you changed."

"Oad poo!"

"Yes, that's right. Toad has done a poo! A very big smelly one."

Ethan didn't think he'd ever seen Matilda look so pleased with herself.


End file.
